I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
