Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
