I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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