Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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