I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
