Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
