What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
