You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
