My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
