Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize