Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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