he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
