Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
