So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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