I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
