i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
