You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
