apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
