I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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