Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
