you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
