Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
