I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Text me some of your sweat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
