I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
