Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
