Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize