I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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