i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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