singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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