She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
