Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
