Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
