do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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