tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
