Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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