is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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