Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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