i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
