I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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