I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they're like a gay fantastic four
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
