i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
