so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
