Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
