Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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