i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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