i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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