I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
