Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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