Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
