everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
