You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
