guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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