I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
