My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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