I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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