Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
