return my video game
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
