i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
