he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize