she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
