guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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