I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
