Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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