And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
