when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Fuck appropriateness.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize