I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize