ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Success! We fucked roommates!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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