wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
soo... how was my night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
