Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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