i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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