I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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