you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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